Learn how to become fearless in a scary world + experience your breakthrough.

You don’t have to know how you’ll get there. You just have to have the faith to know you will. You also gotta have the balls vagina to take action even when it’s scary as hell.

As a former control freak, this was a tough one for me. I spent ten years building an immaculate credit score and financial reputation only to destroy it in less than a year. I stopped paying bills to self-preserve out of fear that I’d never see another paycheck again or one big enough to pay what I needed to. I lived in fear. I feared losing my boyfriend if I didn’t meet his demands of all the things I thought he wanted in a girlfriend. So I quit my career to join his. When that wasn’t enough, despite the initial success I achieved in his new company, I involuntarily became blacklisted from pursuing other companies within the industry because of how it would affect his “image” for us to be together, and yet compete against one another.
Stuck between a ‘rock and a hard place’ was an understatement. 

I spent months watching pieces of my life fall apart. First, my career, when that wasn’t a big enough wake-up call, I lost my kids. The youngest lived with his dad since age two, don’t get me started on that- let’s just say marrying a rich guy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be because when you break up they have all the money in the courtroom. I moved to Maryland from California to be near him, only to have his dad turn around and head back to California within the same year, separating us by two thousand miles once again. My oldest son lived with me the first eight, nearly nine years of his life until it literally got to the point where I couldn’t afford to feed him anymore.

The more fearful I became the more I lost things around me. I also lost the sense of me that I was once so proud of.

I lost my house and when I lost my house I got an apartment and when I lost my apartment I moved in with my boyfriend. Not because he really wanted me to move in, but because I had no choice and he probably felt a little obligated at a year into our relationship. All because I was too afraid to get a job and do what was best for me. I was afraid to quit supporting him, I was afraid to stop working in his business, afraid to stop bending over backward for him, his needs, his wants, his dreams, his goals, his life. Getting a job meant losing him and that was the last and only thing I had left in the world… and yet holding on to him was the reason everything in my life shattered to pieces in the first place. How ironic.

If he left, then I’d be alone. Again.
I made choices out of fear, and in the end, I had nothing left to face but fear itself.

Some will say facing your fears is a matter of being brave or courageous. But it is not about being brave nor courageous its about not caring about the outcome anymore. It’s trusting you’ll land on your feet despite risking it all. It’s do or die. It’s deciding your worth and really believing it. It’s drawing the line in the sand and choosing your side instead of someone else’s. I was drawn to him because his emotional unavailability reminded me of my father, and let’s be honest- my subconscious mind knew exactly what it was doing when it picked him to fall in love with. It was trying to repair the wounds created by my father.. but instead of healing me, he became my Achilles tendon, my kryptonite, my weakness.. and suddenly my weaknesses and deepest fears were exposed until there was nothing left to hide. I was out in the world free falling to ground below me hoping someone, somewhere would catch me. I have psychology to thank for this little lesson in life, and my lack of foresight.

Then the ‘moment’ happened. That defining moment when I chose to put me first. I chose to follow that inner peace I had suppressed for “love”… I decided to take my own obnoxious relationship advice I had dished out to all the other foolishly blinded women that had come to me for help in the past.

“Just leave him, he’s no good for you- You need your own sense of self. You can never let a man take that from you.” Every time I gave myself this seemingly obvious to everyone else advice I’d immediately followed it up with the ultimate helpless girl response, “But I love him.”

I don’t know if love made me stupid, but it did leave me feeling weak. Letting go of him for me was my wakeup call…finally. They say you have to be shaken to be awakened, and I can vouch to that.

Facing your fears is simply just not giving a sh*t what will happen, but trusting that it’ll all work out so long as you follow what’s right inside you. If you’re ever in a situation that gives you bad vibes, get the f*ck out of it A-SAP. Don’t let things insult your soul, your self-confidence or your self-worth. You gotta want what’s on the other side of your fear more than you want the disillusioned comfort of staying exactly where you are.

What happens if you go for it? What happens if you push through the pain, the sh*t storm in your life that seems impossible to dig out of. At one point I literally wrote out all my finances and saved it on a document on my computer and titled “Jenn’s Shit Storm”.

When I agreed to let go… let my fears go and let the chips fall where they may, I embraced the peace and love in my life that was there all along yet lost between what I thought I wanted and what I knew I needed. Even as small as it was, I realized this is what it meant to face your fears. Experiencing your breakthrough is just on the other side of the fear (or in this case the fear of losing love) that’s holding you back.

It didn’t happen all at once either. Each time I lost something I held on to, I looked around and then back at myself and said, “I’m still alive.” At the end of the day I had that. No matter how bad things got, I was still alive. At one point losing became so routine it didn’t phase me anymore. It wasn’t until I finally agreed to let go of the one thing I loved the most, did things finally start falling into place.

So here’s the plot twist.

I let him go alright. I didn’t move out of the house but I made inside moves in my mind to better myself. I decided I’d no longer let anything or anyone get on my path of #projectsupportmyself from that point forward… I thought for sure we’d break up and that would be that. I even mentally prepared myself for this apocalypse by stocking up on ice cream and chick flicks. I was ready for that. I accepted it as a grim possibility of declining the support and self-sacrificing role he needed in our relationship.
But, he stayed.

At the end of the day he was still my good vibes, but the situation I created around and for him wasn’t. It’s almost as if the universe put him there to show me what I was made of, then rewarded me by letting me keep him once I figured it out.

Life is oftentimes a mystery. It’s not that complicated, though. When you listen to that tiny voice inside you that either makes you feel calm or in disarray. Follow the path of peace. Trudge through your fears and feel confident that even when all the doors around you are slamming shut in your face, it’s only because there is something better on its way. You have everything you need within yourself. Trust in knowing that. Even during the plot twists and game changes, you will be caught every time you fall if you have the faith to let go.

Face your fears. Then write a book about it and make millions of dollars for changing the world one mind at a time. Ok, that’s my plan, but you get what I’m saying.

“Everything we do is infused with the energy in which we do it. If we’re frantic, life will be frantic. If we’re peaceful, life will be peaceful, and so our goal in any situation becomes inner peace.” -Marianne Williamson