How to follow your heart when your heart doesn’t know what the f*ck it wants.
Here’s the thing. I never understood the whole ‘follow your heart’ thing and ‘do what your heart tells you to do’ because, for starters, my heart doesn’t have a brain, it doesn’t think and the decisions I have allowed it to make on my behalf were 90% horrible. My heart is a fickle b*itch. I’m not following it. And that’s that. What I really wanted to find was the grand purpose for my life. I wanted the clarity and vision for what the f*ck I was supposed to be doing that would make me millions of dollars doing exactly what I loved to do. Whatever that was. Only by trial and error did I realize all the things I did not want to do nor was I in any sense meant to do them. For instance; insurance sales, laundry, breastfeeding, retail jobs, customer service positions, working in the food industry, shopping, cooking in my kitchen, wearing short skirts, growing out my hair, manners, punctuality, cold weather and being sober for too long. These were the things I had to learn to part ways with and file them under ‘not my calling’.
Some people know by age five what they are supposed to do with their life. Those are the kids who grow up and are exactly who you thought they’d be. Doctors, lawyers, therapists, spot on. Then there are the kids who you think will be truck drivers end up as ballerinas, in any case what they both have in common is the fact they actually figure out what they were meant to do with themselves. I was in that third category of mystery career choices that could have been easier picked by a four year old at a roulette table. I had lots of interests, talents, and not the slightest clue on which one I should focus on that would hold my attention for longer than thirty seconds. The truth is, I liked a lot of things, and the one thing I loved most I talked myself out of doing because I made myself believe there was no money in it. Writing. I loved to write. I was a writer.
Limiting beliefs have an interesting way of shaping us into who we become. We start out as these innocent, wide-eyed optimistic beings until our parents, our peers, the people closest or even farthest from us screw us up into thinking we have to choose a certain path in life because it’s what was right for them in theirs. I’ve noticed these same people are always going in the same direction. Like fish just flowing with the stream. A steady decline into unfulfilled goals and forgotten dreams. They simply accepted the cards they were dealt and never tried for anything more. Well, guess what. Fish that flow with the stream are usually dead! How symbolic. These people were dead. Their goals were dead, their dreams were dead, their motivation was dead.. and yet these are the people we take advice from.
That should be our first inclination that we should do an ‘about face’ and start swimming upstream to find others who chose life. To find your true vision and purpose in life you have to first stop giving a f*ck what others are doing and let go of the idea that there are ‘legitimate careers’ out there. There are not. My Mom took the safe route the majority of her adult life. She was a singer- a damn good one at that. She indoctrinated herself to believe there was NO MONEY in singing. Terrified of ending up on the streets with a newborn (me) she took a safe job that paid well and shut the door on her music dreams forever. Guess what happened next? Her band went on to reach #1 on the Billboard Top 100 list and #10 on the Soul Charts in 1978. The band’s name was ‘Player’ and they wrote the hit single, “Baby, Come Back.” My Mom lived her life in regret. She grew older and knew she missed her opportunity because she chose the ‘safe’ route. A few years before retirement she was laid off by the company she gave thirty years to. The company she traded her dreams for.
The moral of the story is- there is no right or wrong choice for your life. There is only what makes you happy and unhappy. Once you understand to choose things in your life that give you joy, you’ll find your purpose, your vision, your grand plan for making millions. Where your peace is, is where your purpose is. Follow that. Of course, it takes more than wishful thinking and kumbayas to pull it off, but when you learn to trust yourself, that inner voice- and learn to let go of everything else… the right doors open around you and all you have to do is decide to walk through them.
Ego says, “Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace. Spirit says, “Find your peace and everything will fall into place.” -Marianne Williamson